Nauseated, From the stench of narcissistic temperament. If these feelings don’t learn how to evaporate, I will puke regret. The peasants need to perform for the King, Need to bow, Need to bathe, Need to fondle his serenity. His footsteps walk on pedestals, His whisper is a scream, Murder in the kitchen, Is a majesty’s wet dream. He turns kittens into knives, Sharpening tooth comb alibis, To hear a laugh from my goodbye, I hope there are flames where you reside. Apologies will not turn back time, Words with deflated air will not make me break down, I retire the weight of a stubborn bee, Buzzing in circles and wasting energy. It must be damaging to be so lonely, Bones that break and never repair, You could be the richest man on Earth, And still, no one would care. The path I walk will be dangerous, I’ll kill with kindness every fight, The King is a scared, little boy, Hiding in broad daylight.
Veronica texted her husband with beer goggles on. The text read, “Thank you for checking in, I will be at the party a little longer. Don’t wait up. Love you.” Veronica turned her phone off and dropped it into the toilet. She flushed and watched the cellphone swim in a circular motion until it disappeared. Veronica smiled in the bathroom mirror before finding a brush and a pair of scissors. She brushed her long, brown hair a few times to get some of the knots out. The scissors opened and snipped 3 inches off. Veronica dropped the brush, scissors, and excess hair in the toilet and exited the bathroom. There was a door slightly cracked open across from the bathroom. The lighting in the adjacent room was orange, similar to a rock salt lamp. Veronica slipped into the poorly lit room and found six adults in a king-size bed. Four of them stared at her and chanted, “Seven.” A woman with caramel skin and curls slithered towards Veronica and licked her lips, “I love what you did with your hair.” A paler woman with straight blonde hair crawled to the other side of Veronica, “Is this your first time?” Both women grabbed each of Veronica’s arms and pulled her into the bed. Veronica fell on top of a bed of flowers and noticed her clothes were gone. She saw a man with dark, thick facial hair eating handfuls of bumblebees. Before she could say anything, she noticed the sky was blood red. The clouds were a striking black. The man held a dead bumblebee up to Veronica’s lips, “Here, try one.” She opened her mouth and crunched into the bee’s carcass. The morsel tasted like a KitKat bar filled with liquid gold. “Do you have more?” Facial hair man pulled more dead bees out of the flower bed and handed them over. Veronica threw a bunch into her mouth and felt a jagged feeling caress her gums. She spat out shards of glass and blood. “You’re not eating them right,” the man howled. He pulled out a glass of water but didn’t hand it to Veronica. Facial hair man stood up and became the size of a planet. He poured the water into the sky until it became a deep blue. The man grabbed the sky, created an opening, and walked in to never return again. Veronica rubbed her dry eyes to witness a tsunami coming towards her. She tried to run, but it swallowed her and everything in its path. Veronica choked on water punching the back of her throat while feeling the water throw her around like a ragdoll. The wave tossed her into sharp rocks, one after another, resulting in cuts all over her body. The more she fought for air, the harder the wave pushed her. Veronica smacked into a jellyfish, and she instantly felt a spark pulsate through her heart. She felt as if she was floating through paused time. She opened her eyes to see a bright light and facial hair man standing above her. “She’s awake!” “Where am I,” Veronica thought. Everyone seemed to be talking in muffles but made eye contact with two interns whispering to one another. The interns shared features of the two girls that lured her into bed. She saw one mouth to the other, “I can’t believe she’s alive.” The other intern, with sharp eyes, mouthed back, “I know. LSD and alcohol were not the best things to mix together.”
We have officially broken up with our phones and started a new relationship with them.
We have a clear view of how our phones makes our lives better. We’re aware of how and when it makes us feel bad. We’ve changed some of our old habits and we’ve created new ones.
Our phones transformed from being our boss to being our tool.
For the final exercise of this program/adventure/journey, I would like you to give yourself some love. With the recognition that no relationship is perfect, please write a note to yourself describing what you are proud of yourself for accomplishing over the course of this breakup. How have you changed? How do you feel about what you’ve done?
Some prompts in case you’re stuck:
I used to think my phone…Now I think…
I’ve learned that…
I’m happy to know that…
I’m proud of myself for…
Once you’ve written your message, compare it to the note that you wrote yourself at the beginning of the breakup. Take a moment to give yourself credit for what you have accomplished.
My day 30 message:
I’m proud of myself for many things that I’ve went through during this program. I’m proud that I was able to leave my phone off for 24 hours and not go completely insane. I’m happy that I don’t have to depend on my phone nearly as much. When I spend time with people, I enjoy those moments more than I did before, which makes me even more happy. I’m proud that I’m not wasting hours of my life on things that don’t matter nearly as much as the new things I’m getting done. I’m going to leave notifications off on my phone; emails and social media can wait for me to check it when I want. I don’t feel addicted anymore or that I can’t live without it. I feel lighter and I would rather live without my phone.
If you want to give this program a chance yourself and would like to receive the program at its entirety, click here to purchase “How To Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price. It is a great deal and well worth the money.
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We’ve got two more official days of our breakup; after tomorrow, you’re going to be on your own. One of the most effective ways to keep your new relationship on track is to schedule a regular check-in with yourself.
Pull out your calendar, it’s fine if you use your phone, and create a monthly reminder to check in with yourself. Questions you could ask yourself:
What parts of your relationship with your phone are going well?
What about your relationship with your phone do you want to change? What’s one thing you could do to start?
What are you doing, or could do, to strengthen your focus?
What are your goals for the next 30 days?
What fun plans could you make to spend time with people you care about?
Have you reinstalled any of the apps that you previously deleted, let your phone back into your bedroom, or turned notifications back on? If so, does it feel like the right decision? (No judgement)
What do you want to pay attention to in your life?
My Responses:
The parts of the relationship that are going well for me are having my notifications turned off and the times I put my phone away in a box. I don’t check my phone nearly as much, and the times I want to take longer breaks from it, I can do it much easier.
One thing I may want to change with the relationship of my phone, and it sounds crazy, but buy a cheap phone for my next phone. I almost want to be forced into not being able to have so many gigabytes that I can fill up with unnecessary apps. I would like to plan more study session times where my phone goes into “away” mode.
I’m not turning my phone on first thing in the morning, and I don’t scroll social media while I’m in bed. I’m also trying to incorporate more meditation sessions.
My goals for the next 30 days are planning times when I leave my phone alone. I’m going to give myself some penalties when I feel like I’m checking my phone too many times/scrolling endlessly. My phone will be placed in a little box in my room, and I can’t check it for a certain amount of time. Fortunately, my watch has Bluetooth for my text messages and calls, so I can still screen just in case for emergencies.
For fun things to do with friends, I want us to go to new places and do things we haven’t done before. I would like to do more active things with friends too like go hiking, walks, etc.
I’m slowly going to reinstall specific apps, but other apps I may keep off uninstalled completely. I reinstalled Snapchat today to catch up on all of the snaps I missed (they don’t have an online website). I’m keeping notifications off so that I’m not tempted to check snaps every second they come up. I’m still debating if I’m going to brings apps like Instagram and Facebook back, but what I do know is that the notifications will stay off, and the apps will not be on my home screen. I feel like slowly getting some of these things won’t be as harmful as they were before because I’m in a better place mentally with my phone. The worst thing that happens is that it starts to get bad again, and I delete the app.
I want to pay attention to the people in my life. Truly embrace the good that others offer to me whether it’s making me laugh, smile, or feel good in general. I want to pay more attention to my needs and health as when I’ve been sucked into my phone, I focused less on bettering myself.
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Day 28 is all about the seven phone habits of highlyeffective people.
We have put in a lot of effort into establishing the foundations of a healthy relationship with our phones. But sticking with this new relationship will be difficult. Not only are mobile phones here to stay, but with every new generation, they’re also likely to become even harder to put down.
To stick to our intentions, it’s essential to have a plan. Come up with your own personalized descriptions for the following seven habits about how you interact with your phone and other mobile devices.
I Have Healthy Phone Routines
A lot of the changes we’ve made to our routines have the potential to become habits, but since they’re not yet automatic, these changes are still pretty fragile.
To become true habits, these new behaviors need to become so second nature that we do them without thought. The best way to accomplish this is to make decisions ahead of time about how we want to act in particular situations, so that when we encounter those situations, we follow our new, healthy habits without having to think.
For example:
Where do you charge your phone?
At what time do you put it away for the night?
When do you check it for the first time in the morning?
Where do you keep your phone while you’re at work?
Where do you keep your phone while you’re at home?
Where do you keep your phone at meals?
Where do you carry your phone?
What do you use your phone for?
What are the situations in which you have decided that you don’t use your phone?
Which apps are tools that enrich or simplify your life?
Which apps do you know are dangerous/the most likely to suck you in?
Based on your answer to the previous question, which apps/websites do you block, and when?
I Have Manners, And I Know How To Use Them
Where do you keep your phone, and how do you interact with it when you are:
Spending time with people?
Watching a movie or television show?
Having a meal?
Driving a car? In classes, lectures, or meetings?
It’s also worth thinking about how you’d like other people to interact with their phones when you spend time together and how you will request that they do so.
For example, no phones during meals, no phones out when driving together, and/or phones put away during classes and lectures out of respect for classmates and teachers.
I Cut Myself A Break
First, it’s important to cut yourself a break if and when you slip back into old habits. This happens to everyone. The less time we spend beating ourselves up, the faster we’ll be able to get back on track.
Second, you may want to actually give yourself permission to scroll mindlessly through your phone during a particular time of day. Allowing yourself regular guilt-free phone time will help you avoid bingeing and make it much easier to stick to your overall goals long term.
Also, given the effects our phones have had on our attention spans, you may need to schedule regular phone time for yourself when you’re trying to work on your ability to focus. Start small, focus on something for ten minutes, and then give yourself one minute on your phone.
If you’re worried that a half hour of free phone time will quickly become two hours, then use an app-blocker to schedule sessions for yourself in advance.
Perfection Isn’t The Point:
If you’ve gone through this entire breakup, and your relationship with yourphone still doesn’t feel perfect, it’s not supposed to be. Our phones are reminders that everything in life is constantly changing and that fluctuations are inevitable. Some days you will feel good and others you won’t, and that’s okay. As long as we’re cultivating self-awareness, we’re on the right track.
I Phast
By now, we’ve experimented with a lot of different ways to take breaks from our phones. Now’s the time to put our intentions down in writing. How and when will you phast?
I Have A Life
If we don’t have predefined ways to pass the time without our phones, then we’re much more likely to slip back into our old habits. So take a moment to to write a list of some non-phone related activities that bring you joy or satisfaction, and what you will do to incorporate those activities regularly into your life.
For example:
I love to read and write so I will set time blocks for when I can write during the day and I will read whenever I have downtime throughout the day (letting the dog outside, going to the bathroom, waiting for food to cook on the stove, etc.)
I enjoy spending time with friends, so I break out my planner and discuss with them when both of us can make some time to see one another
I Practice Pausing
Why do you think stillness is important to practice? What will you do when you find yourself with a minute of downtime? A half hour? Several hours?
I Exercise My Attention
In order to undo the damage caused by the cumulative hours we spend on our phones, we need to restrengthen our attention spans, and engage in regular exercise (both physical and mental) to keep our brains in shape. Identify several attention-building exercises that you would like to habitually practice, or that you are already practicing and would like to continue.
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A digital sabbath is when you don’t use digital devices for a whole day. When some individuals do this type of detox during the program, they love it so much that they want to make it a regular occurrence.
A digital sabbath can be every weekend or once a month. Either way, this can strengthen your relationship with your phone and your well-being.
If you’re one of those individuals that enjoys the detoxes from your phone, try to do another one this weekend.
Here are some suggestions for how to make it easier to take regular Digital Sabbaths:
Untangle Your Devices
One of the best things about smartphones is that they serve so many purposes. It’s also a bad thing because of how many different apps and programs can suck you in for hours at a time. One solution is to invest in separate devices. If you’re following the program, you should have an alarm clock. It’s also recommended looking into a separate music player and camera to spend less time off of your phone.
Create A “House Phone”
Instead of tossing or recycling your old phone when you upgrade, keep it as a pared-down “house phone” that can be used only as a tool. Delete all the apps (including the internet browser) except for camera, music, timer, calculator, and other purely tool-like functions. This will turn your phone from a temptation into a remote control. And as long as you have wireless internet, it doesn’t require a service plan.
Use Your Phone’s Suspension Modes
Put your phone on Airplane Mode or enable Do Not Disturb more often. This is yet another “speed bump” that will prevent you from mindlessly checking things on your phone. And speaking of Do Not Disturb…
Customize Your Do Not Disturb Settings
Select the people whose calls you actually want to receive. This makes it possible to take a break from your phone without worrying that you’ll miss an emergency phone call.
Download Maps Ahead Of Time
Did you know that you can download maps of areas that you use frequently so that you still have access to them while you’re offline? This is not helpful if you’re taking a total break from your phone. But if you want to minimize your phone use and not get lost, this is a great option.
Get A Landline
You could always pony up and actually pay for separate phone service. Or if you like the idea of having a landline but don’t want to pay for one, get a phone that works over the internet (the technical term is VoIP, short for voice over internet protocol). There are also internet and cable plans that include a landline. This has made it much easier for us to take breaks from our phones without worrying about missing an important call. Before we turn off our phones, we can change the settings so that all calls get forwarded to our landline.
Another option, mentioned in a past post, is to get in the habit of leaving your phone by the door, blocking all apps except the phone, and turning on the ringer. That essentially turns your smartphone into a landline and ensures that you won’t miss any important calls while you’re taking a break.
Downgrade To A “Dumb Phone”
Dramatic, yes, but why not? You can always go back to your smartphone if it doesn’t work out.
Don’t Be Afraid To Experiment
When it comes to establishing a healthy relationship with your phone, there are no rules. Experiment with different ideas and adopt the habits that feel right for you.
If you love this program as much as I do, you should pick up a copy of “How To Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price by clicking on the link below:
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Here’s a great way to catch yourself when you’re about to check your phone. Whenever you notice that you’re itching to checking something, email, social media, text messages, the news, whatever, ask yourself some simple questions.
What’s the best thing that could happen as a result of your checking? What’s the best email you could receive? The best piece of news? The best notification? What’s the best emotion that you could experience?
Then ask yourself: What is the likelihood that this will actually happen?
Spoiler alert: your chances are low. Very low. I’m willing to bet that if you were to reach for your phone right now, you would not find a note from a headhunter offering you your dream job, news that makes you feel great, or an out-of-the-blue invitation to dinner from an attractive stranger.
Far more likely is that you’re going to see something that upsets you or stresses you out. Once you realize how unlikely your best-case scenario is to happen, it becomes a lot easier to stop checking your phone.
Use Other People’s Checking To Check Your Checking
The more you pay attention to your own phone habits, the more you’re going to notice how often other people are on their phones. You’ll see people crossing busy intersections with their eyes glued to their phones. Families that go out to eat together and then spend the meal silently staring at their devices. Subway cars full of faces lit by that familiar blue glow.
Pick a habit that you’ve been trying to establish, and see if you can use the sight of people on their phones as your cue.
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Day 25 is all about cleaning up therest of your digital life.
Today, we’re going to continue to tidy up other parts of our digital lives. We’ve already talked about text messages, dating and games, app-blockers, and password managers, so now let’s focus on…
Email
You get too many, and most are unimportant.
Unsubscribe! For the next week, take a moment to unsubscribe to any email you receive from a list you don’t want to be on. Or, if that sounds too complicated, do an internet search for “apps that automatically unsubscribe you from email” and install one.
Save yourself from the tyranny of your inbox. Despite what you’ve trained yourself to believe, you do not actually have to respond immediately to every message in your inbox. Nor do you even have to see them when they arrive. You can do this in a number of different ways, including setting an app-blocker to give you access to your email inbox only during certain times of day, and/or installing a plug-in for your particular browser and email client (such as Chrome and Gmail) that gives you control over how many times you see your inbox, and for how long.
Use folders to keep yourself sane. Create a “Needs Response” folder to store messages that actually require a response (you could even sort them by importance) so that when you do look at your email, you don’t feel overwhelmed by the sight of your entire inbox.
Set up a commerce email account. In other words, create a new email address for yourself that you will use when you buy things. This is a way of keeping unwanted spam email out of your primary inbox while still finding out about sales.
Set up a VIP list of people whose emails you don’t want to miss. Ignore everyone else. Just kidding/ not kidding.
When you’re on vacation, avoid the dreaded email pileup upon your return by creating a new email account. Then set an auto-responder that says not just that you are on vacation and won’t be checking email, but that you won’t be reading the email that accumulates while you’re away. Give the name of someone to contact if people need immediate help, and say that if people really want to talk to you upon your return, they should resend the message to the aforementioned “important” email address (the new one), and that you will respond when you’re back. You will be amazed by how few people actually take you up on this.
Social Media
Ideally, you no longer have social media apps on your phone. But regardless, take a moment to prune your accounts. Unfollow people you don’t care about or whose posts make you feel bad. Create lists of people based on their roles in your life (such as friends, family, colleagues, vague acquaintances) so that when you share a photo of yourself on vacation, you can specify which group of people will see it. If you use social media for your job, consider making a separate professional account. Add something to your profile that indicates how often you’ll be checking it. And if you haven’t already, explore the depths of your social media account settings. There are a lot more options than most of us realize.
Driving
Take advantage of automatic drive modes that disable your phone when you reach a certain speed. (Do an internet search for “drive mode” and your phone model/carrier).
Linked Accounts
A lot of sites now give you the option of logging in using your social media account (such as logging in to Spotify using your Facebook credentials). Do not take them up on this option! And if you’ve already linked your accounts, take the time to begin to separate them (by creating playlists that are independent of your Facebook account, for instance).
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Last year may have been the time where it was okay to have relationships in your life that hindered your growth and cause harm to your peace. Start the new year with running your interpersonal relationships through a fine-tooth comb, carefully analyzing who compliments your life and who is making it more challenging to be happy.
Family, Friends, Lovers. You need to be seen as the valuable person that you are and not continue to break down in someone else’s hands.
2.
Most of us have done this. We see the commercials or an advertisement online and get excited about the thought of having a new phone and new features to show off. But we also recently spent hundreds of dollars on the “new” phone last year, and it still works great.
Technology can last a long time when you take care of it, and if you don’t buy a new phone every time one comes out, maybe you could put that money into a trip with you and some friends or family.
3.
Life happens. We get busy. Some people want to spend time with you but have to figure out how to make time in their life. This point focuses on those people that you desperately fight to have in your life, but they don’t show up.
It’s also important that you are giving others the amount of time that you want others to invest in you. But for now, say “peace” to the people that show you with their actions that they are perfectly fine without you.
4.
It’s one thing to be a helpful employee, but it’s a different story when you’ve become your boss’s lapdog, fetching everything for them. A boss is someone that knows how to put in hard work, and they can manage to get their coffee now and then.
While your work position may be viewed as “lower”, you and your boss are equally human.
P.S. If someone hasn’t told you this in a while, know that you are doing great at your job!
5.
Some ex-lovers you can agree with being civil and can co-exist. Some ex-lovers suck.
The exes that are making it difficult to be anything in your life should become nothing. Is it easy? Not always. Is it possible? Yes!
Don’t get rid of them just for yourself, but get rid of them for the higher quality people you still have in your life. You don’t eat fast food when you have a three-course meal in front of you.
6.
There was a promotion offered to me that I took, and weirdly, it’s something I shouldn’t have accepted. It had nothing to do with where I saw myself, where I saw my mind at peace. Even if something sounds promising, if it doesn’t align with how you want to live your life, don’t take it.
Please don’t do things because someone else wants you to do them. Do something because you genuinely want to. Most of us know, deep down, what we want. This year, don’t be afraid to make your vision clear.
7.
We work hard most days, and there are going to be times where we want to belly flop into our beds and rest. We may say “yes” to going out with friends, so we don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. But don’t let them make you feel bad. You have to do what’s best for your physical and mental health, and sometimes it’s going to be a no.
Take it or leave it.
8.
You’re not living your life to please everyone you encounter. It’s okay to try to be civil, but not everyone you meet is going to be your friend, and that’s perfectly normal. If there’s someone that turns you off as a person, you have that right not to accept them into your lives.
Be true to yourself and embrace it because it’s sexy being you.
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Taking Back Love 